The insufferable futility of the Rolemaster GM.

Yeah you think you're pretty fucking special now dontcha?

For some of you that was your first taste of instagibbing hard-asses you have no business to be fighting at all.  So you're all very pleased with yourselves, no doubt, sending that super-elite packing with the same arrow sticking out both sides of his fruit.

It's happened before and it will happen again. I could just run D&D and never have to worry about this shit.  A 15th level cleric hardass wouldn't even flinch taking on 6 level 1 asshats, that's the most analogous situation to the one we had yesterday by the way: 1 hardass, 6 asshats.  Yeah level 15, now you're even more full of yourselves no doubt.

Bloody players.

So I've been spending the last week dropping shit-loads of hardass all over the map that we'll be spraying player corpses over for the rest of this campaign.  And you're going to run into these hardasses.  Only this isn't FagEd D&D.  You'll have found these hardasses only because you went where they are.  Not because they are the statistically optimal next thing that you should fight. Not because I have some bizarre duty to mother you from level 1 to 20.  It will be just because you went there.

You are going to get in shit that's out of your league.

Shit thats out of your league

You can just pray for instagibs every time of course. Good luck with that.

I heard some complaints about how 'I must have expected you to attack that guy' during the first few rounds of being picked off like noobs in a TF2 arena.

Yup, I know you belligerent maniacs will in all likelihood take the bait and in all likelihood I'll TPK you.  I'm trying to kill you.  I drink your tears.

I failed this time.  But I'll be back you bastards.

You magnificent bastards.

Rant Archive: Optimised characters

Right Listen Up!

Despite RM having 20 classes and 111 skills our party seems to be merging into some kind of bizarre singularity of plate-wearing, composite bow firing, Paladin-Rogues. What's going on?

...so screw you guys.

Characters that are not suitably differentiated from existing characters will be dealt with in the only way I know how, my critical tables. I have a table for rape damage you know, I'm not joking, RM actually went there. I'm drawing up the bonuses Trolls get right now.

I appreciate there are only basically 3 ways of killing things but you don't all have to use a fucking composite bow.

There is more than enough room for 4 different fighters, 4 different rogues and about 200 different casters. There are 79 fucking secondary skills, you have 5 each. And yet somehow there are still 74 things none of you can do.

From now on weapon skills will be learnt individually instead of in categories. I'll continue to dilute your DPs like this until I get 7 demonstrably different characters. Every skill I add is something you fail at by default, don't provoke me.

If differentiating your characters solely on their expertise at doing a logger without getting poo on their hands becomes necessary then it's something I'm more than happy to consider. Don't make me add the Toilet skill.

I'm starting to enjoy these FB rants, I think they'll become a regular feature of RM

(and yeah I'm exaggerating and yeah I'm not even actually angry, but it's way more fun to make points this way)

Rant Archive: 4ed 'campaign' meltdown

The whole edition is bland and should be destroyed.

4ed is turd, it's over, who wants my books, first reply wins (although I use the term 'win' in it's loosest sense, in the same way that you might be considered to 'win herpes').

Take your pick

(Apparently that's Gary Gygax's daughter fact fans; didn't use CHA as a dump stat when he rolled her up)

I'm slating a game for the 20th but god knows not that shit, pick one of these (or not):

D&D: You know the Red-Box edition. It's the motherfucking Porsche of D&D editions and will handle 7 of you badasses easily. Both Caves Of Chaos and Quasqeton were D&D by the way, before anyone suggests that D&D is less hardcore than AD&D.

AD&D 1ed: I just have a boner for this at all times.

Hackmaster: Although most of you have the experience to handle 2hp Fighters and 12 WIS Clerics and take your badass skillzor to extreme new levels some of you may still be a bit frightened. But Hack is crunchy, with 4 players it's slow but with 7?

Rolemaster sandbox homebrew: If you want some sandbox then god I'll even prepare for sessions. I'm kinda bored so have the time on my hands. Best magic system and critical damage in any game ever by a million miles.

Middle Earth (Rolemaster rulez): Got a shitload of MiddleEarth adventures if you fancy that. In the book style, not the emo-bullshit movie style. I used to run it so kinda think fondly of it, ah some of these modules... Gates of Mordor lol, I had that one back in the day so the odds are high.

Middle Earth(MERP rulez): Same but with stripped down rules, faster but still brutal.

Spacemaster: Pew-pew lasers.

Pirates!: It's in Rolemaster rules and you're pirates. May get boring after the 100th fucking ship battle. Been on my things-to-do list since 1990. Though it's not 7th Sea which is for pussies, so that's good.

Leave it to GM's whim: You must be fucking insane.

Somebody else runs something: Only vote for this if you're doing the running.

Nothing: Maybe Rifts is teh best thing EVAR I dunno.